how too much is given to people...
some people may think that i was born with a silver spoon. Many others will think that this person has his road laid out for him. And yet many people tell this person that he is so fortunate...
But what if this person feels empty...feels insecure...feels unwanted...To develop the self is important...and i see that but if yourecognize yourself to be a person, why would other people contrdict what you believe in? Is it not within our own grasp to control our own lives.
The reason i feel this way is because i feel left behind...I feel i can't go well with the stream of the river. Im really jealous of people who have self confidence and who can exude great confidence portraying who they are. Sometimes, i feel that is it because I am not endowed enough with lasting beauty or with great personality. Sometimes, i wish i were someone else. A person more able to be himself...
I may be vocal about what i believe in but non the less, its more in the brain...to rationalize is very shallow...What i want is to experience every bit of human pleasure and pain. In which case, I coudn't even tap to. Emotional accpetance and the building of self-esteem is important...I would agree that my esteem is that low... i couldn't even confront problems concerning emtionality.
Sometimes i wished what if i lived in other peoples lives, this kind of jealousy doesn't make me angry but makes me look down on myself...fo this, I sometimes wonder, why do some people have it all...why coudn't I be one of them... I may sound selfish but someday I wish to be able to accept myself...
Coining of the term "users"
Defining each would be simple enough...but going beneath it means something else. When trying to understand the term users, it is someone who uses the things that you have for their advantage. These are the people whom self proclaimly have dominion or power over you to demand or even have the guts to ask. You might say that there is little that you can do because these people when they do not get what they want, talk back against you and destroy you and your dignity. This generalizes the idea that users are malevolent creatures never to have been created. When we use the term it usually comes with something like "can I use your..." it can't stand alone. It needs to have other words to support it. In analogy, users usually come in packs. To have more cloud of influence and control. They are also like bacteria, the ones which are opportunistic. Whenever opportunity strikes, they always grab it even though it is not for them or not intended for them. These people also have very low self esteem because they are insecure and immature. These are the people who cannot delay any gratification and garners gratification if individual need is being answered by other people. These people use the greatest defense "Accept me for who I am" but as everything else, people change. And in society where such behavior is never tolerated, accpetance is never the key to achieving personal dignity and self respect.
I don't want to be these kind of people. I think I almost became one. I am so happy that I didn't become one. I changed...I wish they would too...
passing life as we know it
When we try and think about it, there are a lot of things in the world that we ought to do. We dream of challenges and opportunities that we grab. But as we go along this life, do we really pay attention to what we are doing?
We become so intense about the idea of working in big companies or improving standard of living by searching greener pastures...sure we all want that. But is it worth to forget the present?
I just realized that about 5-6 months from now, I am going to graduate...time passes by so quickly that I didn't realize my stay in the school.
Reality check should always be the first basis of one's tapping of potential. When one realizes that I am present then nobody can deny you.
Smell the roses...breathe...touch other people's lives...smile...these simple things that we sometimes forget to do. I wish I am not too late to experience even a bit of my present self...while at the same time hopeful for tomorrow.
I hope I can become the real me...
Lines from the velveteen rabbit (one of my favorite books)
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
----does it mean to just be filled with things that make your heart pump and your muscles twitch or even for your eyes to see and brain to think...does this make you real? If this is reality then I am real...but why do i feel so not present...
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
----it is by others that we become real. When we try and acknowledge others in our lives. Reality is when other people tell you that you are present. It is other people that tell you that you are wanted
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
----it is also other people that makes you unloved and unwanted and make you unknown
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
----but it is with others that we try and change for the better. It is with others that we try and become our truer selves.
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
----it takes time because we are all works in progress
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
----when you find yourself, you are you and nothing can ever put you down.
“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
----there is always someone there who will see the real you
“The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
----once you see that person, you will never be unwanted ever again
Very Insulting Non verbal Communication
first of all I like my new blog...
On the idea of non verbal behavior. Most of the time when people want to show what they are feeling, they usually express it through words.
But some people when you try and ask them if your okay with them, they would answer yes but act a different way. It is useless for one to assume that everything is back to normal when the way one acts is not in congruency to what one says. To know if something is understood, we need to understand first.
It is very hard for me to comprehend that one has the guts to refuse the things which you have given. Even better, at times it is easier for her to voice out things that are even the other way around. The worse thing about that is she tells it to other people. I try to be complacent about her doings because she is always at the losing end.
She is a very good talker but not a very good doer. When she says she's fine but when confronted does not speak and looks at you from head to toe looking for flaws that she might hinge on and attack on.
This is what I get from her non verbal communication. She says that it's okay. But bodily movements, motives and her actions speak a really different language. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO JUST ACCEPT? I pity her...its not because I hate her but because I still care for her well being. I hope she will change in the future...where I am not present.
To feel what is not felt
Ever wondered why we couldn't reach what we want in life? The main questions in society where people go to find meaning?
Whenever we do something, do we find meaning? In my case, I found out that one thing leads to another. When you try and give everything you have got, but still, people see that it is not good enough. Whenever I try to do my part, you get kicked or stepped on.
Why is everything so unfair...Do I lack something that other people have? All I want is recognition but most of the time, I get criticized or argued upon...A simple nice work or a simple good effort or even a thank you seems so divine to me.
I do want to love again but it seems so unimaginable...I can never experience love. Sometimes when I want to share my love, it becomes so hard because they(she) took it for granted. I don't want to get hurt again. But everything seems to be empty. Other people tell me that everything has its place...But does anyone have a place in my heart? Or do I even have a place in anyone's?
new challenges
I am trying to rebuild myself... I hope i can do it...
